COMMENTARY

Treating With A Slack Hand

By now, you and I have had the good fortune to lend or borrow to repair a hole in our affairs.

“Good fortune?”

“I insist, lest you be tempted to color harshly black or blue and other vexatious hues, instead of allowing misshapen aspects of ourselves to be confronted.”

A recent memory, I can tell, has not left you well. By your tell, you were robbed, left for dead. The betrayal has crippled you.

More galling, you say, his living high on the hog has put you in the pen.

“Did you misjudge him or you?”

“Him!” Your eyes flashed daggers, then confusion.

“Did you misjudge you?”

“I lent him the money. He didn’t pay it back. It has left me in a hole. Stuck! How could this qualify as me misjudging me?”

“Are you saying his betrayal has robbed you of your ability and means to continue towards your goals?”

“Yes!”

“Then either he has judged you well, or you have misjudged you very badly.”

“But it is a lot of money he has for me.”

“This is not about him. You are being weighed down and threatening to go under while protesting he has your life jacket. Cut your losses to regain buoyancy. Let the past go.”

Borrowing or lending exposure gives us, often unwittingly and unrehearsed, important warnings about the misshapen aspects of ourselves that need urgent fixing. Prior to that, we could well deny that anything was amiss, or that our judgment of ourselves was poor, misplaced, and needed fixing urgently.

Either aspect of the two, whether you are a borrower or lender, is about bringing discipline and order to entitled attitudes masquerading as enlightenment. The borrower may think he knows exactly what he needs to remedy what ails him. But if he did there would hardly be a need for his request. 

Money will change hands, but more central to a borrower/lender relationship is honoring trust and affirming commitments. Breaking this bond unilaterally, or saddling it with unkind thoughts is self-harm.

Our need for each other’s strengths and encouragement is, in my view, a good audit of our views. With help, we can hold ourselves accountable, make commitments, and reshape our attitudes. For when we get it right – the relationship between ourselves and resources- we are not measured by gain or loss nor by lucky escape or betrayal, but by discovering the truths by which to live and conduct ourselves. Be a happy and fast learner.

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Peter Peterkin, Readers Bureau, Contributor

 Edited by Jesus Chan

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