Finding love or a romantic partner can be a lifelong search for many as some of us can fall in and out of love a few times in our lifetime. We may have considered someone as ‘the one,’ and then the relationship did not last. Our unrealistic expectations of ourselves, or our partner, or even of the relationship itself could militate against the bond that one seeks.
And this may lead some of us to question why I can’t find love.
Romantic love is said to be a strong positive feeling that we have as an attraction for and closeness with, whereas lust is just a strong sexual desire. To simultaneously have both, love and passion for a special someone would be what we want in a relationship. Lust can fade. When we love someone, we want to share pieces of ourselves freely.
We need to be emotionally available to love ourselves first before considering loving another. Loving oneself includes a practice of self-care into our daily activities, adapting to a healthier lifestyle, or often laughing with our family and friends. Having more ‘me’ times can help some of us recover from breakups or the negativity in the past. Then, we are ready to attract the like as happy people will look to find happy people.
During the beginning of a love relationship, an attraction can start on a physical level, such as to someone’s beauty, body, and their good health. Then, there is a time for discovery to see if this is someone that I would like to get to know more on a deeper level. If so, we want to know who they are and of their personality, while looking for some mutual commonality.
The effort in getting to know someone new requires a positive active communication. A positive emotional connection can blossom into a beautiful relationship. Having an emotional connection with someone is the feeling of being understood and understanding of each other.
This connection is more valued than compatibility, as similarities or personality traits that attract people to one another may not last over time. It is the kindness and generosity of emotionally giving and receiving within the relationship that will endure. One way to build an emotional connection with someone is to understand them by viewing the world through their eyes. By being an active listener, we pay attention when they are talking. Sometimes, we need to hear past the words said and into what the heart is saying.
The communication between two people is essential. Just like with any other relationship, we should feel comfortable to be our authentic self, open, honest and have the willingness to be vulnerable so that we can feel safe with each other, too.
With continual effort and commitment to build and maintain trust, communication and love will coexist. In summary, we can find love when we are true to ourselves and ready to attract the like. We will be considered the lucky ones in love when we have love to give and to receive.
Therefore, when falling in love, seek also to find a love connection on an emotional level, where there is the comfort, joy, and understanding in communication. As trust and love grow, the quality of the relationship deepens.
When looking for love, be sure that you are with someone for the right reasons. It is not because you are scared to be alone, needing a distraction from a previous breakup, or because you feel obligated to the investment of a relationship. And if you think that he or she is replaceable, then you are not with the right person, and you are indeed not in love.
Julie Liu Readers Bureau, Fellow
Edited by Jesus Chan
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